The World’s Two Most Wanted Women

  • Posted on September 16, 2009 at 11:00 pm

There are two women that should be on every most wanted list in the world.  They are a slippery pair for sure.  These two women can arrive on the doorstep without warning, wreak havoc in the household and then leave as quickly as they came leaving the house in disarray, men cowering in corners and the animals running for cover.  Even the fish suffer stress when these women commit hit and runs.

The first perpetrator is only known as Aunt Rose.  Oh, as children we so look forward to Aunt Rose’s arrival.  We question every ache and pain that might come along anticipating that it might be signs of her heralded arrival.  Our foremothers have tried to warn us for millennia about her wickedly whiles up to and including labeling her: The Curse.  Seriously, why don’t we listen to our parents?  I mean with an A.K.A. like The Curse how could we ever believe that the arrival of Aunt Rose could be anything but bad?  Interestingly enough, no one has ever really seen Aunt Rose.  There is no physical description of her or her cohort, Aunt Flo.

Aunt Flo is allegedly the most devious of the two and the mastermind behind the most heinous acts committed by the dastardly pair.  She came up with the plan to make life miserable for those who are around the poor victimized woman.  Her thoughts were that if the victim was miserable wouldn’t it be twice the fun to make everyone around her miserable too? 

It has been determined that it was necessary for Aunt Rose to pair up with a partner due to the population explosion on the planet.  It was becoming nearly impossible for her to wreak havoc effectively alone.  This leads women everywhere to wonder if there are others like Aunt Rose and Aunt Flo roaming the Earth due to recent census taking world wide.  Is there a training camp for wayward Aunts hell bent on making women miserable?  Are they on a mission of recruitment to complete their plan?  What are Aunt Rose and Aunt Flo truly up too?  Is it a devious plan to take over the world? 

I think that the world needs to make a unified effort to identify and capture the ring leaders of the Aunt Rose and Aunt Flo camp.   How hard could it be?  These women are obviously thousands of years old.  Bagging two old ladies shouldn’t be a difficult task….although, they have been known to use Cane Foo on occasion to escape capture.

If you have seen Aunt Rose or Aunt Flo please inform the proper authorities and do not attempt to apprehend them yourself.  They are armed with headaches, body aches, emotional disturbances and a mean streak a mile wide.  Men are heavily warned to approach with caution — and chocolate and salt.  These are the only known weapons that sooth these savage beasts.  Throwing Midol and Pamprin have proven ineffective for men and they should not touch or handle these weapons as they are strong enough for a man but made for a woman.  Side effects could be detrimental to the male user.

Let’s work together to capture these two once and for all. 

3 Comments on The World’s Two Most Wanted Women

  1. buffalogal says:

    Those same two “Old Hags” used to come to my house too and I could only pacify them with Doritos or fudge.

    I do not miss them at all!!!

  2. Ms. C says:


    Finally, the aunt-hunt is on. I’ll let you know when they are in my vicinity again…is there a reward for their capture? Maybe drumsticks and hickory smoked salted almonds? A girl who is trying to help save the world needs her sugar/salt fix. :-)


  3. Far Side of Fifty says:

    LOL, I have not seen those old hags in a long time, I hope someone catches them before they destroy the whole world:)

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