I’m a Suvivor

  • Posted on December 7, 2009 at 11:49 pm

Over the many years of my life I have lived many different experiences — some good and some not so good.  I grew up in a family filled with love, faith, compassion, understanding and forgiveness.  For this I am eternally grateful because it has been the foundation to my survival during some of the most trying times a person can experience.  There are those who have no understanding of how I can be the person that I am today.  Well, here it is the story of my life:

I’m a Survivor – Reba McIntyre

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
But I must have had my mama’s will
And God’s amazing grace

I don’t know exactly if I was born three months too early, I don’t think so, but, I can say is this: I must have had my mama’s will and definitely God’s amazing grace because I was born a blue baby in 1968 and my chances of survival weren’t all that good.  My mama, a survivor herself, had an unending determination and will to survive and for my survival as an infant coupled with God’s mercy and amazing grace, here I am 41 years later; alive and well.


I guess I’ll keep on livin
Even if this love’s to die for
Cuz your bags are packed
And I ain’t cryin
Your walkin out and I’m not tryin
To change your mind
Cuz I was born to be

In 1995, the girls’ father and I split up for the last time.  I was tired of trying.  I needed to move on with my life and make the best of life that I could for three little girls who didn’t ask to be born.  I never tried to stop him from leaving, in fact, I gave him the choice he could either do it my way or the highway.  He chose the highway.  I’m a forgiving person and I forgave him for choosing to leave and recognized, as did he, that apart was far better than together.  We have remained friends to this day.

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she’s just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I’m a survivor

I’m a fighter.  I have been since I was born.  I needed to be growing up in the town that I did during a time when conflicts seemed to dominate our local environment and across the world in general.  I have fought for everything that I have and everything that I needed.  There is no love lost between me and most due to this constant need to fight for what I think is right and just in the world.  I will always fight the good fight for those who suffer oppression and downright omission in our society.  Why?  Because I have been there.  Ignored, dismissed and placated.  I have worked two jobs at the expense of my children.  Struggled to get an education with no help except financial aid.  I know the pains of being a single-parent.  I don’t care how someone got to be a single-parent – it’s not relevant; it’s a fact. 

I don’t believe in self pity
It only brings you down
May be the queen of broken hearts
But I don’t hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be

In the game of survival is there is no room for self-pity.  If the game wasn’t going my way I changed the rules and played a different game.  I drew on what I knew through what I had experienced in the past.  I pulled myself up because I had too.  I had little to no help from anyone.  I grew strong in my survival and I broke through because I kept on persevering through ever trial and tribulation that came my way.  I learned compromise, I learned to stand my ground when necessary and I learned not to blink in the face of opposition.  There is no room for fear in the game of survival.  You just keep moving forward one inch, one foot, one mile at a time.  I am who I wanna be.  I will never roll over and accept things because someone says that’s the way they are.  My life depends on it.  My kids’ lives depended on it.  No fear.

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she’s just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I’m a survivor

Oh a single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I’m a survivor

I was the baby girl born without a chance into circumstances far beyond my control.  And when I grew to be a woman I began to learn to take control of my own circumstances and my own destiny.  I would no longer passively live a life of acceptance and defeat.  I have fought a long and hard battle for 41 years and the war isn’t over yet.  Not until I take my last breath.  Yes, I am strong-willed, I am opinionated, I am for freedom and justice and I will never ever give up on myself or anyone else.  My heart is that of a fighter.  It may have broken when I was born, but it is strong and I will survive.

But I must have had my mama’s will
And God’s amazing grace
(I’m a survivor)
 

By the inheritance of my mama’s will and the continuance of God’s amazing grace, I will survive to the day God calls me home.  In the meantime, I hope that others find the strength and courage within themselves to stand up, hold on and survive like I did.  It is my hope that others will not find it as difficult as I did, but if they do, they will know that I am standing beside them either physically or in spirit as a woman and a survior.  By the Grace of God go I and thankful am I for the many angels he has sent to help, save, comfort and defend me over the years.

 

Reba’s been an inspiration in my life for a very long time. 

4 Comments on I’m a Suvivor

  1. Avatar of abra la mente says:

    Great blog! Keep on fighting!

  2. Avatar of Ms. C Ms. C says:

    PW~Amen sister! Sometimes it is more about perseverance than anything else…keep moving forward and before you know it the crappy stuff is behind you. :-)

  3. Avatar of jimlindlauf jimlindlauf says:

    Powerful stuff! I developed a lump in my throat as I read through your blog. I share your spirit of fighting for the downtrodden outcasts of our society because I more closely identify with them than I do the “righteous” majority who seek to oppress them. My heart goes out to you, although I know it’s not sympathy you seek. When I was down and most vulnerable, God blessed me with the presence of a girl named Sue. Her love brought me back from society’s fringe, and gave me something worth fighting for. It sounds like the love of your children has had the same effect on you. Here’s to God’s grace finding a way to reach all of us!

  4. Avatar of roxane s. roxane s. says:

    PW, you are a survivor. I often feel the same. I fight too, but my fight has gotten less feisty through the years. Doesn’t mean it’s not as strong, but I’ve learned a new way. I’m not saying that needs to be your way. I think we have a lot of common, as we’ve discovered before, though. I admire the spirit within you and can identify with it quite readily. You have done and will continue to do great things with this strength, built up through suffering. Thanks for sharing.

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